Finding Peace.....good for the brain

This is not a post about religion, it's a post about finding Peace which, for me, has recently included attending Church.  It's something I like to call "good for the brain".  Where I'm not focused on anything but what's going on in that moment.  It is my opinion and my opinion only.  I'm not saying I'm right, it's just something I'm drawing from my heart and from my past and current life experiences.....

To get you to where I am now, I feel I have to fill you in on a bit of my past.....

I have been married twice, not sure if I have ever posted this in past posts, my previous husband passed away in 2006 of Testicular Cancer.  He was only 36, I was only 32.  When I got married 'the first time' I was 24, the wedding was very small and personal.  Family only, a nice dinner with just immediate family.  But it was very important to me that the wedding was in a Church.  It just seemed right to me.  We considered an outdoor wedding but my heart longed for the old fashioned Church wedding.  So, that's what we had.  There's just something about the ceremony that makes it feel special, important, complete.  Again, this is only my opinion, what I feel in MY heart.

In 2008 I remarried.  Yes, "moved on" as some would say.  I hate that expression as you never "move on".  I believe the person who has passed away will always be a part of your life.  They have helped make you who you are today.  There's always an empty place in your heart that was filled by the love they gave you.  You learn to live again.....

When I remarried it was again important for me to have a "Church wedding".  Since we both love to fish and have a fishing lure company, my Fiance mentioned a wedding on the Beach, on an Island, on a boat, on a wharf, all very Romantic ideas but none held the Romance or meaning of a Church wedding in my heart.

We did have our photos taken at a beach near our home, we enjoy going to that Beach every year on our Wedding Anniversary....

This time it was bigger.  This was the first time my current husband got married so we had family and friends, a brides maid and a best man, a flower girl and ring barer.  Much bigger than my first wedding.  We had a good sized reception with a DJ.....  Sorry, I'm getting a bit off track!  Back to the point....the day we got married was the last time I was in a church for a few years, well other than a funeral or two maybe.  Not that the church wasn't on my mind......

From the time I got married the first time in 1998 I wanted to attend Church, and probably before that.  The Church we married in was at the beginning of our road and every single time I drove past it I thought about attending that Sundays service.  I never did.  Shortly after my second husband and I married we moved.  The Church we married in is also visible from the road I travel every day.  And, I always think the same thing when I drive by, I should attend service this Sunday.

I am proud to say I finally did it, I've started attending Church.  It's been a little crazy since my Son has also started Sunday school and I have to try to be at Church and Sunday school at the same time.  But it wouldn't be my life if it weren't a bit crazy, even attending Church is complicated!  It's an "old fashioned" Church.  Very small and quaint.

This Sunday my husband graciously went with us so I could attend Church while he took our Son to Sunday school.  It was the first full service I got to attend, by myself.  It was peaceful, "good for my brain".  Even though I was nervous about finding the hymns, about what the envelope and pencil was for in front of me (whether I put my offerings directly in the plate or in the envelope) and realized I forgot to give my son his donation, I still found it peaceful.  It was Communion Day, I have never witnessed Communion.  So, once the "Giving of Thanks" was finished, I quietly exited to attend the final few minutes of Sunday School and give my Son his donation.  So, I still didn't witness Communion.

I'm not sure where my desire to attend Church comes from.  My family never attended Church when I was a child. I "quite" Sunday school when I was 6 if I remember correctly.  Maybe it's "in my blood".  My mother speaks of walking to Church as a child and expresses a desire to go to Church herself.  She is considering attending with me, which would be nice.

Walking into the Church has been a bit "weird" for lack of a better word.  I feel as if I'm imposing.  I don't see it as "my place" yet.  I see it as belonging to those who have attended those previous 135 years.  I have only attended a few services.  The Parish is very welcoming, the Pastor is very kind and you can tell he and his wife are very caring people.  It's amusing to me that the members of the Parish are actually just realizing "who I am".  I moved back to my "home place" 4 years ago.  This Sunday I got many comments stating they didn't realize who I was.  Maybe leaving before Communion made me the talk of the Parish that morning ha ha!  

I guess I will learn as time goes on.  What the envelope is for, the hymns, how Communion works.  But as I learn I know I will take comfort in the words of Pastor Ben and the friendship of the Parish.  I am glad I finally followed my heart and walked through the doors of that quaint little Church.

So, there you have it, with this post you received a bit of my complicated life history and shared in a new venture I'm experiencing.  When my late husband passed away, a friend of mine suggested I write a book.  As I write and reread this post I realize I still have much to say about my experience dealing with my late husbands death.  I may write another post or two some day and hopefully my words will help someone else who is grieving.  I could say so much more right now but I will leave it for another time. This post is not about grieving my late husband, it's about my newest journey, walking through the doors of the little community Church.


'til next time!!